No Time for Otheresteem?

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September 20, 2009

As some of you will know, this is the title of one of the book chapters, but it struck me as imporant to address again because of a comment I got from one of my contacts this week. She said that she could not have friends at work because it was just too much work. I had been talking about how we spend so much time at the workplace that it is truly a tragedy if we do not have significant relationships there. She even went as far as to tell me that a person had approached her and stated that she was interested in building a friendship with her, beyond the work-related interaction they already have. All she was asking for was time together. Exactly, my contact said, what she did not have to give.

Otheresteem efforts should be a part of the flow of your day, not an extra assignment. If you are living in a way that does not allow you to build meaningful relationships in your everyday environment, I believe you need to question the way you are living. Does this satisfy you? How can you build otheresteem every day? Does it really take time away from other activities to express appreciation, to be thankful for what you do together, to stay mindful of your reactions to others?  Is it so time-consuming to accept others or expect the best from them? It seems to me that if you cannot find time for that, you are in a terrible hurry, with nowhere to go.  What do you think?

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  • While time is often used as an excuse, I don't think it has anything to do with time. Mindfulness and connection do not have to take time as you so eloquently point out, although I do think it requires more energy from some people than others, at least initially.

    I think some people are just not willing to invest that energy, or themselves for that matter, for many reasons. Keeping your head down and just getting your job done can be a very safe way to hide. What might take the time however is the self reflection required to get past whatever is really in the way of their willingness to engage in the life giving practices of Otheresteem.

    Really great post Monica. And I absolutely love the conversation of Otheresteem. it is incredibly potent and I learn much from being a part of it.
  • Dorothy Dalton
    Monica - I really support your otheresteem efforts. It's actually possible today to even buy groceries without any meaningful contact with another person! Provided that recognition is shown in an appropriate and constructive way, it can only bring added value to both the individuals and the organisation -whether it's in a supermarket, a bank or the work place.

    Dorothy
  • admin
    So true, Dorothy! Part of our modern world is practicality, but sometimes it leads us to isolation and dispair. Every opportunity to connect with other people is a blessing. Thanks for your continued support...(and I'm working on making the book more readily available in Europe...news soon!)
  • Great points my dear.
    I think most of us acquire certain habits and we do not deviate from them because we don't take the time to understand why we do what we do and we just do things on autopilot.
    Probably your contact you are talking about just made a decision a long time ago that relationships @ work are hard and she's going to stick with that forever.
    Lorena
  • Monica,

    I totally agree, Otheresteem efforts should be a part of the flow of our day. We live our lives by our values. Our values are the things that are most important to us, including Otheresteem into our life, allows us to remember how important others are and how much value they add to our lives.
    Great Post. Great reminder.
    Thanks Monica.
    Lolly
  • Great Post! I would agree whole heartedly. When people spend most of their time at work they experience their greatest opportunity to grow through the relationship dynamics of that community! Bravo!!
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