Have you ever had a hard time forgiving someone? I don’t believe anyone on the planet can answer no to that. Forgiveness. It’s such a strong word. Mainly because it takes us back to a time of pain when we felt hurt or we saw the worst of ourselves show its face, or we were just so unforgiving.
So let me show you the back door to forgiveness. If you’ve read this blog before, you can guess where I am going. No need to focus on the past. Stay present, in the here and now. Even if the person is gone from your life, search your memories only for instances of the four practices of otheresteem:
Accept who that person is. Suspend judgement for a while and just be open to discovering the person before you. What do they believe? How do they see the world?
Valuing another, stems from a deep respect of who that person is now. I call this acceptance. When we accept somebody, we are not trying to change them, but rather, understand who they are. We feel in awe of their differentness from us and we strive to get to know them, to distinguish them from ourselves and from others
- From Chapter 1, Otheresteem
Appreciate the positive. What do you enjoy about them? How are they fun, strong, unique? What would you be able to see about them if you weren’t angry, hurt or frustrated with them?
Expect the best! Write a new story together, in which you leave space for them to show the best version of themselves. Be patient and behave as you do when you expect the very best from someone. Start small. A kind gesture, a smile. Make sure you notice.
When my otheresteem is positive for someone, I see them for what they are as well as for what they might become. I can see beyond present shortcomings, into their ability to rise above them.
- from Chapter 1, Otheresteem
Be grateful for the relationship you hold together. Reflect on what you learn about yourself when you are in their company.
So , what do you think? Once you truly and deeply value that person, forgiveness frequently becomes a non-issue. Or you may find the right moment to express your feelings in a loving way. You are free from the past and ready for the future.
Of course, if you have been practicing otheresteem before, it will still be a challenge to practice with someone you feel you need to forgive. So walk the otheresteem path right to where it intersects with forgiveness. You might even enjoy the scenery!