Boundary Check

The issue of boundaries is a huge one for many of us. Do we set them too close and feel uncomfortable with others? Do we set them too far and keep everyone at a distance? Finding ways in which to protect yourself enough, without shutting others out is truly an ongoing challenge that we all need to step up to!

So how about a boundary check today?

While valuing others is your choice and we have talked here much about the four practices, it is important that you strike a balance between yourself and others. I am all for getting a bit uncomfortable to build new capabilities, but just how uncomfortable is healthy? If you find yourself constantly feeling uneasy about what might happen to you or if the efforts you have put into your relationships are not yielding the right results, there could be a problem with your boundaries.

Ask yourself:

In what sense am I protecting myself too much and setting my boundaries too tightly? Might I be stronger than I thought?

Where do I need to be open to others and tell them I will no longer allow them to hurt me, ignore me, or put me down in this way? Might I do this with grace and in a loving, yet effective way?

Building my esteem for others is also knowing that they are strong enough to accept my requirements, that they can care about me enough to respect me, that they will find a way to interact with me that respects my boundaries and asserts theirs. Can I expect that of others? Can I bring it about by staying true to myself and open to them?

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Being Together

Last Saturday I had the opportunity of attending Randall Krause‘s great TWO WINGS retreat! It was an expansive experience that centered on learning how to balance the Human with the Being aspects of living. I especially appreciated the theme of how simple practices can make a big difference if done consistently. That has been, as you might know from reading this blog, my point exactly with otheresteem. But the dimension of being that we worked on in the seminar comes even more to life in the presence of the others there. Getting to know eachother’s struggles to grasp our humanness and our being created the space for shared otheresteem. Beyond judgement and criticism, when we are together, yet each doing work on themselves we feel inspired and in awe of others.

So, do you have a hard time suspending judgement long enough to work on otheresteem? Shift the focus and work on yourself in the presence of others. Tell them what comes up for you when you are with them. Make your struggles to understand and include them open and straightforward. Enlist their help in understanding them better. You might just find a new way of being…together!

Read more about how Randall experienced the weekend here.

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