Is Otheresteem for YOU? OR… Whose fault is it anyway?

I really believe that the practice of Otheresteem benefits anyone that tries it out. That said, the section in the book on “Roadblocks to Otheresteem” touches on the fact that it is not necessarily as easy as it seems. There are several things that will get in the way of your exploration on how to value others more, for instance:

  • Playing the Blame Game
  • Fear of Getting Hurt in the Process
  • Unreasonable expectations for outcomes (Nightmare Scenarios or Fairytale Outcomes)

Lets focus on the first one today.

“In the context of learning about yourself, blame is not a useful concept.”

Although it is socially accepted, assigning blame is usually a futile process.  It locks our thoughts in the past and does little to improve relationships.  Once I have decided to blame someone else, there is not much more for me to do but wait for them to see the light! Not very empowering, is it?  On the other hand, if I blame myself, I may wallow in my guilt instead of stepping up to the future. Either way, we get cast into set roles that are firmly grounded in the past.

Responsibility, on the other hand, does quite the opposite.  It empowers the person in question to realize that they have a choice.  You can continue as you have done in the past, or you can change to create a different future.  Choose responsiblity instead of blame every time and you will see relationships develop, skills build and possibilities open.  But don’t take my word for it! Try it out.  See what it means in your everyday interactions to reassess how you face difficulties with others.  Build on otheresteem by steering away from guilt and blame, being mindful of your expression and communication about responsibility.  Find ways to hold yourself and others responsible without playing the blame game and watch what happens.

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